d a r n

Anyone might be thinking that I am absolutely blissful spending these times of emptiness and work-free life in a far away seemingly dreamland. I have been here for barely two months now, as if I am unconsciously waiting for the time to be ushered forward, but I could see that this is not exactly the kind of life that would make me happy. I have been spending my seemingly endless days, between sunrise and dusk, mumbling about how things could have changed for the better. I know I am hopelessly asking more out of life, but that’s always the way it is. It is just that I personally think I am not getting any happier whenever and wherever I am now. And I don’t exactly know on what point should I look from. I could not certainly sort things out and make a definite conclusion. I am looking forward to that point in time when everything would mean nothing but a mere memory. Now, I have wanted to avoid thinking anything about it but I could never even bring myself to actually doing that. “You must always know what it is that you want”. I believe I have always been challenged by change, that which is where I am now, but I am not apparently submitting my entire self to adapting well to it. These sorts of things have kept reminding me to stay humble just the way I am. Today, I understand more things than I ever had before. There are probably other things that a mere situation could show you. You would get surprised on how it could essentially widen up the horizon you have always known and lived for every single day. There is never a price greater than knowing oneself better.

Like infrequent currents, much concerns, as elements of a search for something I believed in and desired, are freely streaming through my head. Those that in fact have kept me going and more so, those that have kept me from becoming the happiest person I could ever be. Self-made, indeed. I admittedly recognize that it is I to be blamed. And I am currently working it through.